by - 6/16/2010

So, me and ladders...

We just don't get along.
I tried it out last summer, and I survived.
But today, I was reminded of that feeling I get when I climb too high:
My entire body freezes.
My brain shuts off.
I forget to breathe.
Sweat starts beading on my forehead.
And I stand there, petrified, unable to move a muscle.
The world starts spinning,
And the only thing my mind is capable of is imagining my body plummeting to the ground,
and landing in various horribly mangled positions.
(I won't go into detail on that particular part)
Then I wrench myself away from these awful feelings,
back to reality, and slowly chant in my mind
Breathe. I'll be fine. Breathe. I'll be fine.
I lean forward slightly and begin to clean the backboard of the basketball hoop,
(which, by the way, why do those need to be cleaned? I mean, really.)
And the ladder moves, maybe a centimeter,
and the panic starts all over again.
I climb down, and say I can't do it,
And get laughed at by all the got-to-be-tough boys working around me.
I walk out of the gym to "get a drink",
but really I'm going to calm down away from my coworkers' judgmental eyes.
As I take some deep breaths, and finally slow my quaking nerves, I think about how stupid I feel for being so scared.
But that panic is definitely real and horrible, and I can't seem to shake it.
And that, combined with the intense embarrassment, is zero fun sir.
Truthfully, though, I think it might just be the wide open space above me, below me, and around me that made me so terrified today.
Because I cleaned some lights in a classroom the other day, and my reaction to being up on the ladder that was the same height was significantly less ridiculous.
However, I think it's safe to say, (though it makes me feel like a whiney, wimpy baby to admit it)
I have a terrible fear of being on ladders.

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