11.28.2012

Ashley's Awkward Anecdotes

Hey, friends! Long time no blog, I know. I would make excuses for my absence, but I don't wanna. :) I had an ab-fab Thanksgiving break, which I might write about later if I feel like it.  I'm reaching that crazy crunch time in the semester, and while this has actually been the easiest semester of my college career, the end is complete insanity, as per usual. This was undoubtedly compounded by the fact that I didn't do a second of homework of the break. Curse my procrastinating skills. Anyway... I'm returning to discuss my extraordinary awkwardness lately. Please read the following:

[story #1] My sister got her mission call on Halloween (which is AWESOME btw. She's going to Sydney, Australia and we're so excited). Halloween was a Wednesday, but of course I had to drive home to watch her open her call.  When I got home, my neighborhood was having their annual Halloween dinner party thingy in my culdesac, so I had to park down the street from my house. I traipsed through all the costumed children and parents, saying hi to everyone, greeting them with a smile, and all that. Once I reached the house, my dad pulled me aside and said, "Hey.... your zipper is down.... just thought you should know." Yeah, that was a fun one. "Hello, everyone I've ever known! I'm back from college and I don't know how to zip up my pants!" Oi.

[story #2] One day I was in my Sign Language class. My teacher kind of got on his soapbox about cochlear implants (my teacher is deaf, and most deaf people feel very strongly about these). He's a really funny guy, so he was also cracking jokes in the meantime and it wasn't a very serious conversation or anything.  Well, I was being my typical self and not really paying attention, and instead was pretty wrapped up in a text conversation with my friend.  The conversation was particularly funny, and I had the HARDEST time holding in my laughter.  Of COURSE because it's a small class, my teacher notices my holding-in-my-laughter face and says "I can tell you have some good thoughts about this subject. Why don't you share them with us?" I started to panic. I had NOT been thinking about the subject at all. And me being slow of wit at the worst possible times, and combined with the fact that I had to use sign and that's kind of hard under pressure when you're still learning, I came up with some stupid crap about cochlear implants that wasn't funny in the slightest (which is what he was expecting). I also forgot a whole bunch of obvious, easy signs that I should have known. AND I'm sure I was bright red the whole time. The worst part was that since I was signing, everyone in the class had to stare at me to know what I was saying. I felt so judged. After I was done with my embarrassing "thoughts", my teacher literally just stood there for what felt like 5 years, and then went on talking without really acknowledging what I had said. And I died a little.

[story #3] Yesterday, I rode the bus up to campus. When I got off, this girl popped up behind me and said, "Hey I have a question for you!" I turned and realized it was a girl from my English class that I didn't know very well.  She asked if I was related to somebody she knew. I wasn't, and I told her so, but we were both walking to said English class so we kept talking.  I then went on to tell her how I'm often mistaken for other people. And how I was always mistaken for this one girl all through high school, and that girl ended up not liking me very much.  Halfway through the story and giving entirely too much detail I thought, why am I sharing this with a person I don't even know? So I started feeling awkward and just kind of trailed off. She changed the subject, and said, "hey, did you end up registering for classes?" I thought it was kind of a weird way to ask that question, but I said I had, and then she says "oh, yeah, cause I saw you at Mcdonald's, so..." I didn't say anything for a second until I realized she was waiting for a response. I definitely was never at Mcdonald's, and had no idea what she was talking about, but for some reason, before my brain could stop it, my mouth said "Oh, yeah!" Then I found myself lying through a whole conversation (very badly lying, I might add) about whatever happened at Mcdonald's. The whole time I was kicking myself for not just saying it wasn't me... and after a while she just looked at me like I was crazy and stopped talking. Oh it was bad.

[story #4] Over Thanksgiving break, my sister and I went shopping with my cousin and aunt.  We went into New York & Company, and were just looking for a second.  I found this adorable scarf I really loved, but I didn't feel like I could justify buying it cause I'm rather poor right now.  So, my sister and I waited while our cousin bought a belt.  As we walked out of the store, she tells us that she got a free watch - the first 100 customers that day got one free with a purchase.  The watch was actually really cute, and I decided that if I got a free watch, I could justify buying the scarf (probably not smart, but oh well). So my sister and I go back in, I bring the scarf to the checkout, and wait for my beautiful free watch.  The lady at the checkout turns to another worker and says "Hey, does a scarf count for the free watch?" and the other (mean) lady says "no, it has to be apparel." I started to feel rather bummed, cause I really loved the scarf but didn't think I should do it without the free watch.  I was about to just leave, when my sister says, "Hey, my cousin bought a belt and she got a free watch." The (mean) worker lady says "serious?? when?" Sister: "Like 2 minutes ago." (mean) lady: "well, she shouldn't have. It's only for apparel." sister: "Well, if a belt is apparel, then a scarf should be apparel". My sister was sassy, yo! Me? I was having another one of those unfortunate slow-witted moments. I was just standing there, not saying a word, hiding behind my wallet, feeling nervous and awkward. (mean) lady: "Well, it's not right, but I'll give it to you." As (mean) lady walked away in a huff, the nice lady says to me and my sister "personally, I don't think it matters". And then we left with my pretty scarf AND watch, and my bright red, embarrassed face. I hope I'm never in a REAL crisis situation, cause I don't think I'll be any help. Thanks for stickin up for me and my weaksauce self, sis.

And that is my awkward life.  The end.

1 comment:

Erin Southworth said...

Oh gosh. You make me laugh so hard. Love you.