I have always had the strangest dreams. I don't know why, but mine reach a level of weirdness that has pretty much only been matched by my friend Erin. When I took my first psychology class and learned about Freud's attempts to interpret dreams, I just scoffed. My dreams are so odd that I can only hope that they don't hold a deeper meaning to my life, otherwise I should probably pack my bags and head to the insane asylum right now. I mean, after I graduated from high school, my choir teacher was present in every single dream I had for 2 years. Sometimes she was the main character, and other times she just lurked in the background while I did other things, but she was ALWAYS there. Analyze that one, Freud.
Anyway, the past little while, I've been having dreams with an extra dose of crazy. I've been writing them down in kind of a shorthand form in the notes on my phone right after I wake up, but starting now I'm going to record them on my blog. This is partly because after enough time has passed and I don't remember the dream anymore, I can't make sense of the stuff I wrote down in my half-asleep state. Also, they're pretty hilarious sometimes and I'd like to have them written down, if for no other reason than to make me laugh when I read over this again someday. Now, I realize that I'm about to reveal this completely mental side of myself in a public place and that's kind of terrifying... just know, I have no control over what happens when I sleep.
Two dreams for you today:
1. I'm driving around aimlessly in a forest that looks like something out of a fairytale - you know: misty, weird shapes, etc. I decide I should stop once I see a house. I step inside (uninvited) and realize it's Ashley Nielson's home, and it's also the home of the Cosby show. Ashley kindly gives me a tour. As the tour is ending, her mom calls to her. We look up and realize it's Phylicia Rashad, how nice. She mentions something about labor, so I look down and realize I'm hugely PREGNANT and apparently, I'm in labor! So I rush to the hospital and all of a sudden I'm laying there on the bed, and all of my cousins are around me. (sidenote: love you cousins, but you will not be there when I'm in labor. Thanks.) I'm moaning and groaning about how much pain I'm in, but I don't actually feel anything so I just keep pretending. I ask for a laptop so I can start watching my Africa autobiography (umm yeah, I don't know). As I'm watching, and waiting for this baby to get here, my cousins look very concerned and ask where my husband is. I realize it's odd he's not there, so I look down at my hand as if this will answer the question and see that I have no wedding ring. It suddenly occurs to me I don't have a husband! But I just pretend I do and that he's on his way. I'm at the hospital for hours and hours and nothing is happening, so I start complaining that I'm terrified to give birth and wish it would just happen already. Everyone else looks extremely bored, and they turn to my sister as if she could do something about it. She gets up, marches over to my bed, reaches inside my shirt, and pulls out... a basketball. Apparently I'd been pretending the whole time and I didn't even know it. Once everyone (including me) realizes this, they go home and I'm alone in the hospital room, still moaning about how much pain I'm in. And then I woke up.
2. I'm at work, at the front desk. A creepy, drunk-looking man walks in and tries to get info about one of my coworkers, who happens to be Aly Michalka. To avoid confrontation and giving the information to him, I sprint to the back room. I rush through the door to find it has been transformed into this futuristic place with floating escalators and flying cars and the like. After what feels like hours of frantic searching, I finally find Aly, and we start sobbing together because we just know this man is after her. I'm about to hug her, when she suddenly disappears into thin air. I turn to see a British butler who says "we know what it is. It's bowling." (?) He's looking down this endlessly long, wide hallway, so I turn to look too, and I see hundreds of maids - one being Mindy Kaling - in pink uniforms. There's dozens of open doors with gigantic pink beach balls flying out of them every couple seconds, and it's the maids' jobs to throw them back through the doorways. Apparently this was the new version of "bowling". Before I have time to really process this, I'm suddenly in a completely different place and I remember I have a snake (!) TIED to MY BELT LOOP (???). This reminder was given when the snake bit my thigh. I look down, pull the snake off my belt loop, throw it on the ground and start jumping on it, but realize I can't kill it unless I'm Harry Potter. How unfortunate, I think, cause I'm defintely not him. Just then I look up, into a mirror, and realize I actually am THE Harry Potter - not Daniel Radcliffe, but the one from my imagination (they're very different). It was a big deal, people. I whip out my wand, and curse that wretched snake into oblivion. After this triumphant feat, I started to feel myself waking up. I tried so hard to resist because I wanted to find the creepy drunken man and defeat him as only Harry Potter could! But before I knew it, I was me again, in my bed, awake.
Trust me, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Stay tuned for more dreams next week!
Happy Weekend. :)