8.02.2013

High School Me Would Be So Proud

Left: 16-year-old #selfie. Yeah, I was taking selfies before they were cool. Right: 22-year-old #selfie.
Yeah... the only thing that's changed is I now have a better camera. I still look 16. It's fine.
Also, I despise the word "selfie".

If I were to go back in time and tell my 16-year-old self that at 22, I would not have a dashingly handsome husband at my side, and that I would actually be very much single, I probably would've passed out. In all those "where I'll be in 5 years" letters I wrote to myself, being single at 22 was never an option. I mean, my mom got married when she was 21 and had me at 22. So, naturally, I was going to follow exactly in her footsteps. That's how life works, right?

Lucky for me, I'm actually completely fine with my life where it's at right now! Being single is a lot of fun. Yes, I do want to get married someday, and hopefully sooner rather than later. But I've dropped the notion of "I'll be happy when...". Cause if I'm not happy as a single gal, why would that suddenly change when I get married? Circumstantial happiness can only last so long. Life is about finding joy in the journey, being happy now, and all that other cliche stuff that's actually true. Once revived from the passing out, I think high school me would be pretty proud of my attitude during such an unbelievable trial. ;)

Another thing about me at 16 years old: I was absolutely terrified of singing solos in front of people. I liked to sing fine, but I didn't feel like I was very good. I didn't ever try out for solos cause I was so sure I'd never get picked that I didn't see the point. The only solos I ever had in choir were at the senior year madrigal concert when all of us had a solo. Then, somehow I got an extra one when one girl got the swine flu and my choir teacher gave me hers for some weird reason (still not sure why). I also had no stage presence. I would often get comments from my choir teacher that I looked like I hated the song I was singing, or that she'd seen more expressiveness on the face of a cat. Yeah, that's real.

So, the fact that I can now say I've sung solos multiple times (at EFY) and that I tried out for one in choir last night, is a pretty big deal. I know I don't have the best voice in the world, but I've gained more confidence in myself. I didn't even get the solo I tried out for yesterday, yet trying out still felt like a big triumph for me. I've finally gotten over that fear! I'm still working on the whole stage presence thing, but at this point I just know high school me would be so proud.

It's funny how life never happens the way we think it will, isn't it?

Happy Friday.

4 comments:

Jana Stoneman said...

Feel the same way about the single stuff. But I'm notorious for the, "I'll be happy when..." But in this case, I'll be happy when I see you again. Love you.

kylee said...

isn't it crazy how life NEVER works out the way we plan. thank goodness somebody else who knows a lot more than us is making the real plans.

MicheLLe said...

Ash,
I'm really impressed with your attitude...goodnight. I think the concept of happiness "in spite of..." ESPECIALLY in spite of not seeing righteous desires fulfilled is one of the hardest things to work through in this life.(at least for me)

Even deciding to feel like way is so empowering, I feel like it took me such a long (and painful) time to be able to get to that point when we didn't have any kids. I remember during the 'mad' stage I would say all the right things in my prayers but they were empty and not heartfelt. For me it was a process to become a person capable of accepting God's will and timing in that particular trial. So, basically you are worlds ahead of me, good for you.
Well, that was entirely too long. The point was really that I think you rock and don't feel bad when you have a bad moment (or day.)

Hope you're well.
PS, aren't solos at EFY the best?

My name is Lydia said...

Um, I remember your high school voice, and if yours is anything similar to how it was before, it's amazing. :)