Can I Get a Connection?

by - 7/31/2018


There are many OneRepublic songs that I love, but lately this particular song has been on repeat. Not just because it's a good jam, but because of the lyrics.

"If there's so many people here then why am I so lonely? // Real friends good friends hard to find let's face it... Can I get a connection?"

I don't want to get too moody with this post, but let's just say I'm really identifying with these lyrics right now.

Like any human, I need connection. I need human interaction. But when I became a mom, for some reason that suddenly became hard. At first, I think I was just tired. And overwhelmed. And tired. And just trying to figure everything. And did I mention tired? After I got the hang of it a little bit, there were nap schedules, and work schedules, and oh -- also I was exhausted. At some point along the way I just got used to being a homebody, I guess. The thing is -- that's really not who I am. I'm not someone who likes being by myself 24/7. I like it in moderation. :) But suddenly it became a habit and I've been having a hard time breaking it. I also think social media had been giving me a false sense of being involved, but that is NOT the same as actually connecting face to face with people I love. Although that's a topic that probably needs to be a separate post entirely. 

Anyway.

I'm very lucky to have friends that I've had for years (some for 20 years) that stick by me even when I'm not the best at texting back, or meeting up with them. We meet up every once in a while, and I enjoy it so much when we do.

But while I have many friends who love me, I've been having a difficult time making some new friends. This isn't due to lack of trying, but let's just say there are a multitude of roadblocks. Just scheduling alone is a huge factor. I work part time, other moms have more kids than me, or they also work. Their kids have swimming lessons and dance lessons and soccer practice. Jack has to nap so I can only hang out in the morning, or in the evening when everyone's husbands are home. The neighborhood moms set up a time to get together each week -- on my work day. And so on.

I used to think I was really good at making friends. That it came easily to me. I still think that, but for some reason in adulthood it's become much harder. I read somewhere that it takes 50 hours to make a friend. In high school or even college, 50 hours spent with someone could happen in the matter of a few weeks if you have several classes with them.

When you're an adult, it just doesn't work that way, so I do think more of a concerted effort is needed to get past the surface and really connect with people.

Additionally, I think as a mom it's pretty easy to get caught up in that mom guilt of leaving your child, ever. Some things may feel necessary, like working or going to the dentist. But making friends, spending time with people your own age, making real, lasting connections with people besides your husband and children is important. Even if you're an introvert, I still believe everyone needs a support system outside of their family. I personally need to feel like I have people I can talk to and confide in.

We need human connection. Not social media. Although it's a fun way to keep up with friends who may live far away, I'm a firm believer that it does. not. replace real human contact. 

Since coming to this realization recently, I've been trying to figure out ways to get that "Connection" so I can fill that part of my life again. I've done it sporadically for the past couple of years since Jack was born but I'm learning that that's just not enough. 

So-- in the past week, I texted a friend who had a baby SEVEN MONTHS ago that I hadn't met (facepalm) and she came over and we had a simple playdate with our kiddos. It was SO fun and perfect.

Then, yesterday, I went and watched The Bachelorette with some new friends. There were only three of us there and we talked about more than just the show and I'm really starting to feel a genuine connection with them. It really filled my soul.

Basically, I'm realizing that I have a lot of friends around me, but I'm also realizing how much I need those friends. And how simple it really is to get out there and do something with people. And how important that really is. 

So, if you're feeling lonely or sad, first of all -- talk to me and I'll hang out with you! But if you have a friend you haven't talked to in a while, reach out to them. I bet they'd be nothing but happy to set up a time to see you. 

It's important. It's necessary. Get out there and do it.

Happy Tuesday.

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